consequences of my actions

I have been working as a C.N.A. since after I had my baby and what I was unaware of is this job requires a background check which makes sense since I am in charge of taking care of the elderly. I talked with some of the people in the background department and sent them my court documents to see if I would be able to still work in this field and from what they told me I really thought I would. Then I actually completed the official background check, as it turns out the charges I have come with a five years suspension before I can work as a C.N.A. again. Honestly I don't want to be a C.N.A. in five years. On paper I understand ya you don't want me taking care of your mom or grandma but in person I dare say there would be few who after actually meeting me would take issue with it. I am lucky enough to have had a back up job as a server but was pretty disappointed all the same.

Monday

Every Monday starts off the week the same way for me, from now through Saturday I will have to call in to an answering machine that will read off colors if mine gets called then I will need to go in and pee in a cup to be examined for illegal substances. I also report to my pre trial officer on Monday which is much the same as a probation officer. Awhile back I was in the car with Canyon and while talking out loud I said "oh crap I forgot to call pre trial!" to which Canyon replied "why do you need to call them mama to do what?" I began to explain that they were people who helped mama make good choices and do whats right. Canyon then asked Jesus? I had to explain that no I wasn't Jesus but sort of like that.
I suppose I should comment on my last court date. All went well but was a bit shaky as I expected the judge was taken back with how long ago this charge had occurred and wanted to know where I had been ? Apparently in his files it talked about by drug history which he explained was because of what I had in my possession at the time of this crime so it really helped alot when I told him I went through a drug treatment program. Without which I have no doubt he would have put me in jail. Instead he gave me a fine and ordered me to go to the SLC county jail and book and release on my warrant so I really think all went really well!
I also appeared in Pocotello at the federal court house last week on my gun charge. We have been trying to get it moved so I don't have to keep going to Phoenix for court and it appears that that is what is going to happen so that will be awesome.

Guilty

Yesterday I was in Arizona for a court appearance. The purpose for this appearance was to officially change my plea from not guilty to guilty. All this in hopes that I will only receive probation instead of the five years in prison that such a crime comes with. This all sounds great right? well in theory yes but as my lawyer reminds me this plea deal from the prosecution is only a recommendation so if for any reason the judge doesn't agree then I can receive up to the max of five years in prison and or a fine of 250,000 dollars so basically I would be buying a house that doesn't exist. With my anxiety at an all time high its no wonder I am having great difficulty sleeping, eating and most importantly being able to quit smoking. So this court appearance went good and i hope the rest go as well so stayed tune the next court date is in Salt Lake on Monday in an unrelated charge so keep your fingers crossed I know I will!

Me

I have decided to start a blog not because my life is especially exciting but i think its a good idea to verbalize my experiences . To be brutally honest about what is going on in my life or has gone on. So I will start with the last five years. I was married in 2005 to my husband aaron we had a daughter named canyon rose I went to rehab in Phoenix and then after lived in a halfway house. While I still lived in Phoenix I picked up a gun charge shortly after that I moved back to Utah for a while before canyon, aaron and I moved to Idaho Falls so aaron could finish school. We had our son pierce about five months ago. Currently I have alot of court dates up coming and am possibly looking at probation if I'm lucky or possibly prison. This brings us up to date with the present. When I run into people I know this is usually the last thing I want disclose when they ask what I have been up to but that's why I needed a blog. A place to feel free to be truthful about my life.